Cold, Down and Dreaming

Tuesday: The cold worsened overnight and I awoke with the rare feeling of not wanting to run. After the school run, I collapsed onto the sofa for a nap, and have another couple during the day, whilst the other half was home. I took lots of paracetamol during the day, spent largely on the sofa. I nagged the other half to get takeaway pizza for dinner, I could barely make it to the bathroom, let alone cook. My body was craving junk, as it often does when I get these bad colds. I showered before dinner to freshen up and gulped down Lucozade to get back on my feet. This was a temporary fix, I moved around for a while after dinner but soon retreated to the sofa later in the evening, exhausted and sneezing. It’s the fatigue that is really hard, the body feels like it weighs twice as much. The sneezing is no fun either, eyes feeling hot and watering as if I am crying, shaking and sweating quite feverishly. Can’t wait till it’s over, I’m normally fine in 48hours or so. Maybe not the best time to make decisions when drowsy, but I decided not to enter the Snowdonia Marathon. It isn’t realistic with my other commitments and far too hilly for my 1st marathon (hmm, I say ‘1st’ as if there are more to follow…). Hence, my big running challenge for 2008 is a half marathon, and I am thinking of doing a full marathon next year, perhaps in my beloved home city. The latter has received no support from anyone, perhaps my self-confidence is unrealistically inflated having completed a 5km race. I don’t look or act like a ‘stereotypical runner’, whatever that may be, considering I just had a takeaway this evening and am many stones overweight. But I feel more like a runner as time goes on, and the more I contemplate, the more I want my running to lead somewhere, and what is more ‘ultimate’ than a marathon? I think of all the things my late cousin never had a chance to do and I wonder, what would I regret not doing if I didn’t wake up tomorrow? I don’t know yet which marathon to do or when, but I know I will regret not training towards one. Life is for living, I feel, you’re a long time dead, so why not. The idea of doing 26miles is unfathomable right now, for someone who wheezes after 3miles, but I wonder what is a dream then, if not beyond our fingertips, and to be able to reach what we think we cannot, what could be more exciting, more fulfilling?