Plan B Falls Apart

Friday: Resting, though undeservedly. Family arrived today, after hours of cooking and cleaning, and feeling pretty exhausted. The feet ached a lot today, no other complaints. The blister is disappearing fast, I am quite surprised at that, since past blisters (I have had a few, maybe average, though what is average, I could not guess), they have always been more severe and nasty. I didn't miss running today, my mood worsened, a lot continues to weigh on my mind. I was disappointed, nay, pissed off to high heaven when my family warned me in advance of their intention to leave on Sunday, and they could not be persuaded otherwise. I had a few plans tucked up my sleeve, emotional blackmail being one of them (my current mood is unleashing the inner bitch) but it appears that using the family as babysitters for the Sale 5 Mile on Monday is out of the question. I am not a stubborn person by nature, I do not think, I do not do things for the sake of proving a point or to annoy someone else. I usually do things because I want to, because it would make me happy, it's not about being petty with me (usually, I hasted to add). But I am sure it must appear to others I am stubborn, over wanting to do this race on Monday, and that is infuriating. The other half is busy making plans to not be home on Monday, without discussion, and now my plan B (my family) has fallen apart. But I still want to do the race, not to annoy the other half, not because of petulance and stamping my foot to get my own way, but because I enjoy running, I enjoy racing, and with feeling so down lately, it feels so important to have something in my life to work towards and make me happy. I still plan on the pre race run on Sunday, as depressed as I may be over this and other things, deep inside me, a tiny flicker of hope is, well, flickering...

And It Gets Worse

Thursday: A very late night led to waking up feeling a little tired, and with unexpectedly stiff legs. My current mood was not into running today but I managed to drag myself to the park, trying to stick to the plan of doing a longer run today. It was very sunny though with cool winds. I had mango-flavoured Powerade with me, keen to keep trying different drinks, and saving my last SiS sachet for the Sale 5 Mile (if I make it). Before going to bed, I thought about doing 60mins, but at the park, not in the mood to run, I thought I could try 30-40mins. It wasn't a success at all. I started off okay, for around 5mins, but as it went on, I was wishing more I hadn't bothered. Partly too much on my mind, a negative mood and so on, I couldn't focus and felt rather miserable. I really hoped running would rub off on my downbeat mood, but it worked out the other way around. I was struggling after 11mins, kept telling myself I could get through the aches and pains, but the unfocused breathing made it feel worse. The last few mins were an awful experience, I knew I was going too fast to maintain a manageable pace but I was beyond caring, and running uncontrollably, getting very faint and dizzy. I ended up doing 3.96km in 24mins 27secs. The legs ached so strongly and I felt so faint, I ended up collapsing onto the grass for a rest, instead of walking it off. I didn't pass out, I just rested, trying to regain composure. I'm not sure how long I was lying flat out on my stomach, I suddenly realised a car parked a few metres away from me. It was the Park Incident Response Patrol car, the park warden (if that's the correct term) was sitting in the car watching me. Feeling incredibly stupid, I mustered every bit of strength I had to get up (slowly and sipping lots of drink) to show I was fine. The warden didn't leave the car, just watched me walk away (slowly, slightly disorientated for a minute). I found a bench near the lake and sat there to rest, sipping some more drink. Not a great training run, then, obviously. With hindsight, how wise is it to run when one's body and heart aren't in it? To analyse, I could have drunk more water recently, to minimise the faintness, though I think I had a decent breakfast, I wasn't hungry at all. At the end of the day, the legs feel quite ache-y. I really ought to use the calf gel more, I last used it for GMR. The blister on the left foot is dying down, not painful at all, which is good. I thought a lot about today's (rather awful) run and how much my current mood had badly affected it. Even thought seriously, what is the point of running at all. But that isn't me really, just something I'm working through. I looked through old posts earlier, feels so hard to identify with that excited and cheery person, brimming with enthusiasm for running. Monday's race looks very unlikely right now; the other half is unwilling to babysit and the visiting relatives want to leave on Sunday. I have been on the phone, trying to my persuade my mother to stay till after my race. The bitch side of me is not averse to using emotional blackmail in persuading her to stay. Perhaps that tells me how much my running means to me. Or maybe I really need it to mean something to me right now, as little else does, and I miss the enjoyment running usually gives me. Two days of rest now, even though I should have run so much more today. The Sale 5 Mile is in question; uncertainty is a pain in the ass, as well as life in general right now. We may hope for better tomorrow, though holding our breath would be silly.

Pensive Rest

Wednesday: Resting today, keeping in mind a plan to have a long run on Thursday, resting Friday and Saturday, and a short pre-race run on Sunday. I napped a little during the morning, the body was craving rest, feeling very tired. Perhaps it's running two 10km races in 2 weeks that caught up with me today. I felt rather lethargic today, quite faint towards late afternoon, probably due to being too tired (or lazy) to get up and make something to eat. Rather down today, continuing from yesterday, a lot on my mind, not running-related though. Hope that my current mood won't adversely affect my long run tomorrow. I was rather surprised and cheered by a comment left on this blog, saying my blog was inspiring, which caught me at an emotional moment. My 'positivity is uplifting', oh dear, the anonymous person will be disappointed with subsequent posts indeed. It was, however, really nice to know that someone enjoyed reading this and kindly took the time to leave a message (thanks to whoever that was). This blog has become quite important to me, I am definitely boring anyone who knows me by my non-stop chatter about running (is it possible to sense eye-rolling over the phone, I wonder). Being able to put down my thoughts and feelings about running, it's very therapeutic, and essentially I can see how far I've come. Hopefully, there is a long way to go yet. Monday's Sale 5 Mile race is looking unlikely, sadly. The visiting family plan to leave Sunday, despite my best attempts to persuade them otherwise; their presence on Monday would guarantee my kids were looked after while I raced, as the other half is arguing again over not wanting me to race, but also not watch the kids for me. It will be a case of me begging them when they arrive on Friday and all I can do in the meantime is train as if I will be doing the Monday race, got to be prepared just incase. My older brother is keen to join me on my training run on Sunday morning which will be nice as I enjoy his company, and a little worrying as he is on a much higher stratosphere of fitness than I am, and my pace could be embarrassing. But I am actually looking forward to seeing him anyway, running with him will be a laugh, I am sure. Just hope I can persuade him to stay till Monday, my heart is increasingly set on the Sale 5 Mile. The other half is convinced I am doing too much but I assured him my body would stop if I was. At the moment, it feels like I can't do enough, I feel the desire to run more and more, the only limits being what my body can take, but that can be negotiated, I am sure.

Post GMR Run

Tuesday: Awoke this morning rather 'below par' and with incredibly stiff legs. Still up for running though. A sunny day though not too hot, I planned a short run to get back into the routine of it. It started off fine, I kept it slow and easy, and enjoyed having a digital watch, not worrying about pressing buttons on the mobile. As it went on, I ran harder and faster, just one of those moods really, ignoring the recommended advice of taking it easy. I covered 3.62km in 22mins 58secs. The calves and feet ached later, and I noticed some discomfort and rubbing in the left foot, but ignored it. Later, I discovered a rather large blister up from the arch, in an awkward place that meant walking aggravates it. I tried wearing flip flops for the rest of the day, as I was driving and walking about, though there was still rubbing. I discovered special plasters are available for blisters, as menioned on the runners forum, and may purchase some, despite being grossly overpriced. I expected more from my expensive socks, to be honest, though they are not technically anti-blister socks. Running had felt fine, it was when I ended the run and walked, when I felt there was something wrong with the left foot. I sipped some wild berry flavoured Lucozade (not a taste I recommend) after the run. I pushed myself harder than maybe I should have for the first run after my race, a lot on my mind perhaps. End of the day, feeling very tired and emotional, just one of those days. The right heel aches as it does from time to time when I am barefoot, and I am limping slightly to avoid putting pressure on the blister. Maybe a 2 day rest would have been a better idea after the race, though I really wanted to run today, but it wasn't so much focused as it was emotional, far too many things on the mind. Family are visiting and staying over the weekend and it looks likely, though not guaranteed, that I will be able to do the Sale 5Mile. Hence, got to be prepared and train accordingly.

Post GMR Rest Day

Monday: Still on a high after yesterday's race :o) No running today, resting and a pretty lazy day, wary of overdoing things, or rather an excuse to be lazy. The legs felt quite tired at the end of the day but generally the aches and pains were fine, not too much. The legs felt worse after GER but then, I was stuck in a car for a while, which worsened the legs at the time. I spent some time researching my next race; it feels strange not to have a race to aim towards after months of build-up to GMR. I am not too down though, I have my 2008 target of doing a half marathon (Glasgow, September) so that keeps me quite cheerful. The fetchie-recommended Sale 5Mile (taking place in Wythenshawe park) is growing on me and it seems I may be able to fix family commitments around it, for Bank Holiday Monday. Unfortunately, family opposition to my running is increasing; I hope to do the race in my mother's presence to reassure her I am not killing myself (lol). The mother-in-law has also been on the phone, genuinely concerned. The other half has also expressed concern over my running another race 'so soon'. I received my blood tests back and announced to all that they were fine, nothing bad to report, so hopefully that ought to reassure them. The doctor wants me to continue increasing my salt intake (to address the low blood pressure) and I am taking a multi-vitamin with iron as recommended. I guess it's all about learning to deal with running in hot weather and listening carefully to what the body needs, which is usually a lot more water than I am currently drinking. The plan is to go back to the park tomorrow, a gentle run to get back into it, hopefully gearing towards the Sale 5mile in 7 days. This will be the last race of 'choice' for me, as I intend to have chosen and started a training programme in June for the half marathon, and all subsequent races will be carefully chosen accordingly. I was pleased to discover that the local paper had listed all GMR entrants from the area, as informed by a lovely person working at the children's centre my son goes to for nursery sessions. She saved a copy for me which she will bring into work tomorrow, which is very kind and thoughtful of her, and I am rather excited by the thought of my name in print (lol). In bouyant mood, still feeling glorious and proud of myself over yesterday's race :o)

Great Manchester Run: Race Day

Sunday: Last night, before bed, I applied henna on my hands, and I awoke this morning, quite pleased with the result. Sleep was a little short and restless but to be expected, before a big race. I had my usual breakfast of Crunchy Nut cereal and was careful to drink some water. My other half suddenly announced he'd give me a lift but I refused, insisting I would go by bus as planned. I was in a funny mood, very nervous but focusing on my routine, it felt as if straying from my pre-planned routine would be nerve-wracking. It sounds silly to think about now, but I recall my mornings before my races and I see a pattern emerging, part of that is my needing to do what I planned or decide myself or it unnerves me. So I set off, as planned, by bus. It was a 20min bus ride and I was at the race in plenty of time. I had difficulty finding the stalls area, having grabbed some decent freebies at GER, despite asking folk for directions and having a map (terrible, I know). Perhaps it was nerves over this being such a huge event and the fact I was on my own, I needed to make sure I was sticking to the timetable. It was a great sight, seeing the balloons, the banners, the runners; I walked around with a big smile on my face well before the race started. Unable to find the stalls area, I headed towards the baggage area to leave my bag. It was very sunny, despite cool winds, and I decided to keep my shades on but leave my hat in my bag. I changed out of my running bottoms and zipper, and carried a bottle of Lucozade original (pre race drink) and a bottle of SiS GO (race drink). I didn't finish the Lucozade, I had enough close to the warm-up to give me a boost, as well as a cereal bar to stave off hunger pangs. The warm-up was fun, the same trainer doing it as from GER , but I quickly realised I needed to use the bathroom. With half an hour to go till 'kick-off', I ended up queuing for 20mins to use the one of the portaloos. I was ready in time though and was in a good mood, the cheering crowds were great and I had chatted to some runners, all very friendly and enthusiastic. I didn't start off as well as hoped, grappling with my mobile to play some music, then realising I hadn't started to time myself. But race experience kicked in, I fixed both problems quickly and ignored how I had started, just focusing on the race. It was very congested in many parts, not surprising considering there were around 31,000 entries in the country's premier Great Run. I found the congestion to be a good thing for me, it stopped me going too fast too soon. But there were many times there was plenty of space, it simply took a lot of concentration and nifty side-stepping/overtaking to make sure I ran my own race. The race route was mostly flat; I hadn't gone round the route the day before so wasn't sure what to expect, but apart from one very short up slope, it was beautifully flat :o) It was great to see cheering crowds and bands playing, I waved at complete strangers for the hell of it! I found the 2km-3km very easygoing in particular. We went round the Old Trafford stadium; as we went through the Munich Tunnel, a couple of male runners started chanting 'United! (clap clap clap) United!' and many others cheered in agreement. A little adrenaline-rushed by it all, I yelled 'Any Liverpool fans, woohoo!' There was no reply and I shut up accordingly, hehe. At that point, my mother rang me, of all times, disrupting the music I was listening to. To add to my family's level of incompetence, my younger brother texted 'good luck' when I was nearing the 8km mark... families, indeed! I struggled after the 5km mark, was it psychological, I am not sure, as that was when I was in trouble at GER and sometimes during my training. The 6-7km felt rather arduous, I could feel my body trying to shut down. I kept sipping my GO drink, which didn't taste so bad when I genuinely needed it, and it made the essential difference. At 6.5km, I ran through the shower provided. It was a great relief, as I was hot and dripping with sweat, though I was a bit disappointed, and would have preferred a stronger shower. Nonetheless, it felt good and it helped. After the 7km mark, my body was keen to sprint faster and I tried to keep some control on it, having seen people drop around me since the 2km mark. After the 8km mark, I knew I was sprinting too fast, and slowed a little, doing high fives with the crowd :o) Then the 9km mark came and I was keen to sprint hard for the last 1km. It was a very tough and long last km, the body was trying desperately to keep up with what the brain wanted. I had kept an eye on my km times throughout and I knew I was managing to keep to under 70mins, though I kept pushing hard for between 60 and 65mins. As I saw the finish line in the distance, I just kept going as hard as I could; seconds before the finish line, I thought I heard someone shout my name and looked to the side and saw my other half and my kids waving. That was great to see :o) The kids had been desperate to see me race and I was so pleased they got their wish. After the race, I headed off to the baggage area to collect my bag and then met up with my family, wearing my medal proudly. I persuaded them to go and find the stalls area with me which was a great idea, partly for me as I got free drinks and snacks and partly for the kids as they got free sweets and balloons. It was a great atmosphere, laughing and smiling people everywhere, sun shining, live music playing. I would love to have stayed longer to soak it up but had to get home as the kids grew impatient and my other half had to study. I was amazed the official results were out within a few hours, my friend texting me to inform me of how I did - 66mins 48secs :o) This was nearly my (b) target of 65mins, and I beat my GER time by around 4.5mins, so I am extremely pleased. The biggest source of satisfaction is having run non-stop, that, for me, is just an amazing feeling. I was so incredibly disappointed with not running non stop at GER, despite a decent time. I would have loved to have hit 65mins this time but the time really doesn't matter right now to me - I ran a 10km today, without stopping, and it feels bloody great :o) I had a strong headache later on and felt a little queasy but apart from that, I am fine, well, aches and pains aside. Later in the day, I felt rather emotional, thinking about my late cousin, knowing that all the running in the world couldn't bring him back. But he will always be a part of my running, I will never forget he was part of the reason I started. I like to think that he is looking down on me and pleased for me, laughing definitely at me, but pleased nonetheless :o) My big day will end, as usual, downing Irn Bru, wearing my medal. Today was great, really brilliant, and this is not the end. I received an fmail from a kind and motherly fetchie (who has helped calm my nerves in the past) asking if I would be doing the Wythenshawe 5mile Run a week tomorrow... I am already trying to figure out how to fit personal commitments around it! I must be mad, truly, but gosh I love this running lark. I really enjoyed today's race, the most out of my 3 races. Edinburgh was so beautiful and fun, but achieving the 'non-stop' goal today, as well as actually feeling good doing the race and keeping the kind of pace that was pushing me but still letting me endure the whole 10km - GMR was fantastic and my favourite to date :o)