New Month, Renewed Determination

Tuesday: New month, renewed push to run great :o) The first outing for my new fetch t shirt, despite it being rather snug, and luminous, oh gosh, so luminous! Today was rather a hot day, so just as well I had a t shirt, plus my capri pants. Great trainer expecte an intervals session adding up to 30mins; after much thought over recent form, I decided it was enough for me to take an easy pace to get to 30mins. It started badly, I got a stich after a minute; I slowed and pressed on it, determined to keep going. The stich came and went throughout the run, moving around; I turned up the music and tried to keep going at a slow pace. What stopped me eventually was the wobbly feeling in the legs that had me stumbling before 20mins; I stopped at 21mins 23 secs, having done 2.14 miles. It was annoying I couldn't make 30mins but I was still pleased with how today felt, it felt doable and satisfying, and that's how I feel when I enjoy my running :o) Walking home, I felt it was taking too long, so the cool-down was a mixture of walk/jog/run. Good to have kicked off the new month with a couple of miles; the Sale 10mile is on August 3rd, a month away, and I will need plenty of miles behind me to be prepared for that. I am enjoying the fetch forums, full of runners discussing issues that I can identify with, and lots of great advice from others. It was pleasing to talk about Platt Fields 10km with my injured runner friend who was both pleased I did it, but concerned that I had maybe risked my health to do it. I think it was risky indeed to have gone ahead with it, but that I was very sensible about it, maybe a more stubborn runner than me would have got injured. I am still feeling rather happy that I completed it, when I know how close I came to just walking off in tears. There is so much to learn from every race, I feel mentally stronger for every race I do. Tomorrow is a rest day, as the programme says; there is a lot less guilt attached to resting these days, not sure what it says about me as a runner, but it's definitely an indicator of my continuing lower than usual energy levels. Got to focus on my diet to keep me stronger, and if I hear one more word about not sleeping enough, I could strangle someone...

Post - Platt Fields Rest

Monday: The high from yesterday continued, or rather the effect of drinking so much celebratory Irn Bru ;o) I rested today, and the body was keen in the rest. My right leg, the knee in particular, ached strongly all day, easing off by evening. I realised I haven't felt the usual aches in the right leg lately, not because I haven't noticed, but because my problem at the moment is the 'hollow/faint' feelings. I would rather an achey leg, something the gel always helps with. I can't believe I did a 10km race yesterday :o) It's ironic, when I ran/walked GER, I was incredibly disappointed with myself, but this time round, I can't stop smiling. Perhaps reaching certain lows gives one a different perspective. I can't help remembering how difficult it was, how miserable I felt at certain points. I recall a man on a bike riding past, I was walking and puffing and panting, and he shouted something like 'Don't give up, love, you can do it, keep going!', and that had felt really good to hear. The runners I chatted to before the race encouraged me to join their club; any runner you speak to, wants you to join their club, which is lovely. It really is like a big friendly community. I was given leaflets by one of the organisers at the end, though the club is quite far from me. It has made me think more about joining a club, perhaps, oh if only one had creche provision, life would be easier! I really would like to save money on race entry fees, I am noticing this racing is costing me more and more. I was set on joining FERC but I wonder, what if I decide and am able to fit in a running club in the future, then I would be paying extra. I plan to do at least a race every month, even if it's a small one, and this is all going to add up. The only race in July I could do is a race for life, and that is 9 miles away, at a time we are really budgeting everything. I have added the Sale 10mile to my fetch race portfolio, I need to do a 10mile at some point, and doing it a month before the Glasgow Half, sounds reasonable. Though my heart stops at the thought of a 10miler (gulp).

Race Day - Platt Fields 10km

Sunday: I didn't hear my alarm go off, was sleeping rather soundly compared to recently, but luckily the race wasn't due to start till 12pm. I awoke, again with doubts in my head over doing the race. It didn't matter to anyone if I didn't do it, I wasn't being sponsored or anything like that. I could just get back into bed, or rest on the sofa downstairs, watching the kids play. But it mattered to me, and somehow, I managed to push myself to focus. I didn't want to think about the race too much, too worried, and busied myself with cooking and cleaning. I felt tired and heavy, nowhere near the optimum pre-run state. But I kept an eye on the time and set about getting ready. I was pleased to wrangle a lift to the race, I wasn't in the mood to get 2 buses to the park. When I got there, it was rather cool and cloudy, getting warmer. I registered straight away, got my race number on, and there was absolutely no turning back now. A short warm-up walk, chatted to some friendly runners and then it began. This was a club race, 99% club runners, and they all shot off within seconds of the hooter. It's nice having some experience behind me; my first race was a club race and it had worried me seeing people run off, but I am used to it now, and it doesn't bother me, because I need to focus on me and not them. The race began well for me, I felt okay, breathless quickly but okay. I was running near two others, following one in the distance for a while, before losing sight completely for a long time, till the last mile. I had GO with me and drank a great deal very quickly; it was helpful, but not enough, I felt drained very quickly, and soon fell into a walk/run pattern. I was disappointed to walk, but I had no choice, I felt like I was running on empty. As soon as I felt something, I jumped back into running. The race marshalls were very nice, clapping and shouting words of support, as were complete strangers in the park. But I reached a real low point when I neared the end of the first big lap, knowing I had another 2 to go, and it felt impossible. I seriously considered quitting, I didn't want to walk/run, I felt awful physically and I felt so disappointed with myself. I was quite tearful :o( I was upset, the whole situation felt impossible, 10km felt like Everest. But I kept walking, and I thought, as long as I can keep going, isn't that the main point? A lot of thoughts crossed my mind - I thought of Kung Fu Panda (seriously...) and my injured runner friend, who within two days of a serious accident, made it to the finish line of the Great Edinburgh Run, on crutches and had a picture taken. That picture helped inspire me, and the words from Kung Fu Panda, about making the most of today, the present. It didn't matter that I had to walk, it mattered to me to finish, and not quit; realising that, I focused on my race and prayed silently to God to let me finish, still on my feet. It began to rain towards the end, He answered my prayers ;o) Around the last mile, I caught sight of the runner I saw ages ago; she stopped as I neared, asking if we were going the right way, as she had lost sight of the others and was worried. I assured her we were fine, just the last two. We chatted a little, as we were around the same speed by then and were soon joined by her friend, who had already finished. With a few hundred yards to go, the finishing line in sight, he encouraged her to do a final big push; I went all out, as much as I had in me, and was shocked to finish just 2 seconds ahead of her - second last again :o) My official time was 66mins 15seconds - I later realised, this was a new PB for me (!) I had been expecting around 80mins before I raced; during it, I was trying to keep it under 70mins (my GER time was 71mins). I was so shocked by my time, my best ever time, even though I had to walk a bit and I had so many low points. I recall a stich that kept nagging away at me, that slowed me down a lot. But I was over the moon with my time, and the sheer relief that I completed the 10km, I didn't quit :o) Despite it being a flat course, my legs struggled as if it was a steep uphill, and it felt so difficult compared to my previous two 10km races. But I did it, and I was ecstatic :o) Texts from my friend had boosted me during my race, support can make so much difference. I received a bottle of water at the end, no goody bag, which was disappointing but it didn't matter, because I was so happy to have completed the race and feeling well. Later in the day and in the evening, I was exhausted and a lot more fatigued than usual for my post-race state; I usually need a walk after I get home but today, I was dying to lie down and not move too much. This race has boosted me in a big way, I am so glad I did it :o)
Earlier this week, I ordered Fetch t shirts for myself and my injured friend, a surprise which I could not mention here (otherwise the surprise could have been ruined, obviously!). It was a surprise indeed, and a very welcomed and appreciated one, I am glad to know :o) I am looking forward to us wearing our t shirts for the Glasgow Half! I didn't wear it today, partly saving it for that race and partly because it was a little cold today so opted for my full sleeved top. But my friend was most disappointed and insisted I start wearing it, though mine is slightly tight (even more motivation to run, hehe). The Fetch t shirts have cheered both of us up, for similar and different reasons, amazing what a difference a t shirt can make :o)

Kung Fu Panda and Me

Saturday: I am doing the Platt Fields 10km. Well, still time to change my mind, but I decided today, embrace the fear, throttle it and race. I didn't run today, since I am planning to do a 10km race tomorrow, so a bit of rest for the legs, hopefully increase their hunger. I had a lie-in today, give or take getting up to see to the kids, but a long lie-in, which ought to have made me feel good. It didn't - my back ached, as did my neck (awkward sleeping position, I presume), and the body again felt heavy and tired. I felt awful, I thought, how can you run 10km feeling like this, it's too dangerous. I have been stumbling a lot in my recent runs, losing balance, as the legs feel hollow and empty, and this helps cut short the running, as I don't want to get injured. Felt pretty negative about the race, till the afternoon. Spent the afternoon shopping with the family and took the kids to the cinema to see Kung Fu Panda as a treat, and a treat it was. Now, one may think it crazy to find inspiration from an animated panda, but possible, it is :o) The story was about an overweight panda, Po, who yearned to learn Kung Fu skills, and he overcomes obstacles to fulfil his dream and destiny as the Dragon Warrior, a master of Kung Fu. I very much identified with the overweight panda ;o) I was watching this film and thinking, tomorrow really is a mystery, all we have is the present and we ought to make the most of it. And I empathised with Po saying that, no matter how painful it was to learn the art of Kung Fu, it didn't compare with how painful it was being himself every day, working with his father, making noodles. Running used to make me feel so good, and the progress I was making, however small, made me feel proud of me; I miss feeling like that, I know I need to be patient with my body's limits, but after the film, I was more convinced than ever, I had to give the race a go. I am aware this whole story may sound crazy, but I guess we find inspiration in the funniest of places :o) Later in the evening, I was feeling rather lethargic again, confiding in my best friend how awful I felt and how scared I was about tomorrow. I mean, it's all very well feeling uplifted by a cartoon panda, but that feeling was being overshadowed by absolute fear that I was being stupid and careless. I've always felt nervous before a race, in varying proportions, but never scared, and before sleeping, I was actually scared I was pushing myself too hard. But I convinced myself that there was always the option to walk, which I loathe, but if I needed it, the option was there. The Platt Fields 10km feels like the biggest race I'll ever do right now, but if I can't manage that, then how can I do the half marathon in September? A lot is riding on this race.

A Dip In A Dip

Friday: Woke up feeling very low (deja vous, these days). I forced myself to get into my training gear, though felt very sluggish and tired. I usually run after the morning school run, but when I got home, I collapsed onto the sofa and fell asleep, utterly exhausted. I awoke, running late to pick up my son from nursery. Not sure why I feel so tired, but it's getting to me, feeling run-down. I didn't even feel that refreshed from my morning nap, still tired, even though I sleep a lot more than I did before I started running. I really don't think lack of sleep is the problem, perhaps as was suggested, the body is still recovering from that tonsil infection I had. It was weighing heavy on my mind, not having run in the morning, and I was determined to get some running in. I managed to get out in the afternoon, though time constraints meant it couldn't be a long run. Then again, my body feels like one big obstacle itself at the moment. I ran 1.34miles in 13mins 59secs; it felt hard but better than the previous run. It was cool and cloudy, so the weather wasn't a problem. My post-run state wasn't too good, though, I was sweating excessively, breathing erratically and felt very weak. It took longer than usual to recover. I spent most of the evening resting when I could, everything felt like such a great effort. It's such a marked contrast to how I was a month ago, when I was energised and happy after a run. In the evening, I spent a great deal of time thinking about Sunday. I added the Platt Fields 10km to my Fetch race portfolio weeks ago, but hadn't thought about it, focusing instead on my training for the half marathon. Especially with my 'dip', I kept putting off a decision about Platt Fields. I am concerned that I am not 'well' enough for it, a 10min run leaves me feeling weak, hollow and verging on fainting. My head is saying, do it; maybe it's the boost I need? I know I am motivated, I know I want to run, but my body doesn't feel the same way, maybe this race is what it needs, to move closer to being in synch with my head. I fmailed a fetchie to ask for more race information, though I pretty much have all the info to hand - this race is a definite maybe.

A Busy Rest Day

Thursday: No run today, busy with interview panel duties. I enjoyed it very much and was too busy to even think about running most of today. I felt rather tired in the evening though, more than I ought to have been, I feel. The programme advises a run tomorrow and hopefully a day's rest has done my body some good. I am in the mood for a long run, a long run would be anything above 20mins for me at the moment, but the main thing is to keep running, no matter how little.