Kung Fu Panda and Me

Saturday: I am doing the Platt Fields 10km. Well, still time to change my mind, but I decided today, embrace the fear, throttle it and race. I didn't run today, since I am planning to do a 10km race tomorrow, so a bit of rest for the legs, hopefully increase their hunger. I had a lie-in today, give or take getting up to see to the kids, but a long lie-in, which ought to have made me feel good. It didn't - my back ached, as did my neck (awkward sleeping position, I presume), and the body again felt heavy and tired. I felt awful, I thought, how can you run 10km feeling like this, it's too dangerous. I have been stumbling a lot in my recent runs, losing balance, as the legs feel hollow and empty, and this helps cut short the running, as I don't want to get injured. Felt pretty negative about the race, till the afternoon. Spent the afternoon shopping with the family and took the kids to the cinema to see Kung Fu Panda as a treat, and a treat it was. Now, one may think it crazy to find inspiration from an animated panda, but possible, it is :o) The story was about an overweight panda, Po, who yearned to learn Kung Fu skills, and he overcomes obstacles to fulfil his dream and destiny as the Dragon Warrior, a master of Kung Fu. I very much identified with the overweight panda ;o) I was watching this film and thinking, tomorrow really is a mystery, all we have is the present and we ought to make the most of it. And I empathised with Po saying that, no matter how painful it was to learn the art of Kung Fu, it didn't compare with how painful it was being himself every day, working with his father, making noodles. Running used to make me feel so good, and the progress I was making, however small, made me feel proud of me; I miss feeling like that, I know I need to be patient with my body's limits, but after the film, I was more convinced than ever, I had to give the race a go. I am aware this whole story may sound crazy, but I guess we find inspiration in the funniest of places :o) Later in the evening, I was feeling rather lethargic again, confiding in my best friend how awful I felt and how scared I was about tomorrow. I mean, it's all very well feeling uplifted by a cartoon panda, but that feeling was being overshadowed by absolute fear that I was being stupid and careless. I've always felt nervous before a race, in varying proportions, but never scared, and before sleeping, I was actually scared I was pushing myself too hard. But I convinced myself that there was always the option to walk, which I loathe, but if I needed it, the option was there. The Platt Fields 10km feels like the biggest race I'll ever do right now, but if I can't manage that, then how can I do the half marathon in September? A lot is riding on this race.